Fear of the First Time Mom – You Are Not Alone

woman in hospital with baby

If you’re a mom that means once upon a time you were a First Time Mom, FTM. You didn’t know what to expect and were probably scared of everything. Maybe there were some bumps in the road. But eventually, everything worked out okay! 

It’s important for moms and especially first-time moms to know that your fears and concerns over becoming a mom are normal! It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. We all have them. Some of our fears may seem irrational while others have a good reason behind them. Either way, you are not alone in your thoughts and your feelings are valid.

We asked over 100 moms what their fears were as a FTM and here are many of their responses. Please note this list to let you know you are not alone, not to add to your worry! 

  • “I have a VERY huge fear of my water breaking and the baby flying out”
  • “I’m scared that I’m not going to have that connection with my baby and I’m going to get depressed
    • One mom responded “I didn’t have that immediate OMFG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH connection the second they put my son on me. It’s totally okay! The way I thought about it was you are just meeting them for the first time! You have to get to know each other. It’s okay to not feel immediately connected. You will in time. Or who knows, you might bawl your eyes out and feel this intense connection right away. Just know that it’s ALL okay. This person has been dependent on you for so long and you don’t even know them until their birthday. The connection will come as you both get to know each other – promise!”
  • “I fear my nose spreading and feet swelling and not going back”
  • “Not knowing when the baby is actually coming, like if the baby is early or late, not knowing if I’m having real labor pains or not.”
  • “I fear my water breaking in public”
  • “I’m afraid of the nursing staff not listening to my concerns because I’m Black.”
  • “I’m afraid of my baby being switched at birth with any other baby.”
  • “I am so so worried about having my abs separate and then not going back.”
  • “I’m worried I’m going to wait too long while in labor to get to the hospital and have the baby at home or in the car!”
    • I have to interject here because I did have my baby in the car. It was very scary at first but my body knew exactly what to do! My daughter is now 12 and my favorite memory was giving birth to her because I did it myself. For a brief moment it was me and her only in the world and she looked at me, I wiped her off and cleared her nose and we just stared at each other.
  • “I’m scared I’m gonna poop while pushing… (I know that’s stupid and it happens all the time) “
  • “I’m terrified of home invasions and them taking my baby.”
  • “I’ve decided against breastfeeding, so I’m worried about the judgment for that.”
  • “I have no problem advocating for myself for what I want, I am very headstrong and can happily assert myself when needed. I’m worried that the hospital staff will label me as a difficult patient because of this and treat me poorly due to it.”
  • “The part where it’s time to push a large human out of a nonproportional hole”
  • “C-section is one of my biggest fears”
  • “I’m scared about not sleeping and afraid of not being able to breastfeed.”
  • “I’m nervous about losing my last bit of privacy/space by having the baby next to my bed.”
  • “The financial part of it all, mainly daycare. I wish I could be a stay-at-home mom.”

If you do have anxiety over pregnancy there are things you can do to help! Personally, I find meditation and acupuncture help secure my mental space during pregnancy. But if you feel your anxiety is deeper, it could be beneficial to talk to a health care professional. 


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